Modesty in Women’s Clothing
At my job, I am reading with the kids a book about a girl in Afghanistan and we have been having discussions about religious clothing. I don’t know how much the kids are getting out of it other than the fact that they loved the idea of imagining me in a wig and now insist I should get one. “Cool. A wig? Why don’t you wear a wig? Oh, you should wear a wig!”
Don’t know what that says about what they think of my hair…anyway, that’s beside the point of this discussion!
More to the point, the idea of modesty and what it means keeps coming back to me more and more.
In Israel, at the program I was a part of, I met girls much younger than me, bat sheruts, who dressed modestly but with so much confidence and sense of style. I didn’t even know they were frum the first time I saw them, but after this was revealed, I realized that what they were wearing, despite looking even hippiesh, conformed to all the rules of modesty.
And it was comfortable looking as well as very well-put together and nice.
I, on the other hand, have serious problems with clothing because of my body-type which is, how should I put it, curvy. In addition, I am very blessed in the chest area. This causes a real problem since almost anything I wear on top short of a turtleneck has the potential to become revealing. As a teacher, I struggle with this problem everyday.
Will something show when I lean forward? A mere shift in my blouse for any reason is a threat of some cleavage being revealed somehow.
Suddenly, the rule of just wearing tops with necklines above the collarbone is sounding more and more appealing.
In general though I think I am “getting” modesty. This has been a taboo subject for me. Anti-feminist. Repressive of women. Old-fashioned.
Now I’m starting to see the other side. I’m starting to understand what these women – Muslim and Jewish – mean when they say their modest clothing gives them more freedom.
In fact, I do feel more comfortable wearing a long skirt and a high-cut top. This begs the question: when I do wear clothes that is revealing, who am I wearing it for? It’s certainly not comfortable nor practical.
In the case of skirts, for example, short skirts are a nightmare! You have to be paranoid about how and where you are going to sit, not to mention how you are going to get back up again without the skirt sliding up as well. If you plan to dance or move around at all, it has to be done with extreme caution and a short skirt will very much limit your movement in general.
So, how is this liberating for women?
I’m beginning to realize that I’ve never given a second thought before conforming to clothing that in truth I don’t want to wear at all. When I’m home and can wear what I want, I would never dream of putting on a short skirt, tight-fitting jeans or a low-cut dress. These are not clothes I like.
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t usually wear short skirts at all, but I’m just giving an extreme example so it’s easier to explain the things I’ve been realizing about modesty.
Some people think religious people – especially women – are slaves to modesty laws.
Well, I think that a whole lot more people are slaves to the laws of “if you’re a woman, you need to show some skin to get what you want.” Now what could be more sexist and anti-feminist than that?
And do you know when was the first time I heard that? When I was 14. I was getting ready for a school dance and my best friend at the time said, “You have the perfect body. You need to flaunt it. Show some more skin!”
Her mom was right there with us and approved of the comment and the idea that I should wear a top that exposed my midriff as opposed to the regular top I was wearing before.
Somehow, that stupid idea that I needed to “show some more skin” if I wanted to get attention stuck with me for years!
I’m going to break from that now…I think I’ve decided that from now on I will dress more modestly. I think I love myself a little more now. I’ll keep what’s mine to myself and to share with only those I want to.
Nobody is going to pressure me to do otherwise anymore.
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Filed under: Reflections on Judaism | 2 Comments
Tags: clothing, judaism, modesty, women
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Dear ‘Misadventures,’ thanks for this very insightful comment on modesty. Don’t forget though, despite the fact that they are rare, there are some Christian communities which ask for modesty; not only in women but in us men too. I loved the line, “very blessed in the chest area.” I think that I shall use this for myself when I describe my ample belly.
Yet the question of modesty goes beyond the outward and visible. Our society has become so obsessed with the self that it has become atomised to the point where we actually find it difficult to see our true value. We are always of more value than our appeal to others. This step to modesty assists one in the recovery of ones’ own sense of value – as you have pointed out. Thank you.
I feel that that the best way to dress is to base it on what looks good to you and what you feel comfortable in. Yes there are some cultures where you have to wear specific clothing due to there religions as certain items of clothing are forbidden.
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